Scarlett Johansson

Pretty much everyone is reporting that Justin Timberlake is now dating Scarlett Johansson. I guess he finally came to his senses and dropped the super-fug Cameron Diaz. Any dude that famous who gets stuck dating a monster like that has to be under a spell. She’s got to be some kind of witch. The same kind of 300lb witch that put a spell on me in Vegas when I got really wasted and took her back to my hotel room. Apparently her enchanted spell wore of at sunrise because that was not a fun morning. It’s like waking up after eating the most delicious brownie ever and then being told you ate your own turd. True Story.