Heidi Montag shows off her new implants…[Egotastic]

Petra Nemcova looking stunning…[Derek Hail]

This is what Jessica Simpson is having sex with…[Horny Oyster]

Elisabeth and Rosie after the fight…[Yeeeah]

Heidi Klum named her boobs…[CelebSlam]

Yamila Rahi’s hot bikini video…[Chugs&Jugs]

Kristin Cavallari takes a trip to Vegas…[Popoholic]

Marissa Miller accepts a hottie award…[Hollywood Tuna]

Caprice shows off her lady bumps…[Grumpiest]

How is this possible?  Has hell officially frozen over?  Is John Mayer the Anti-Christ?  Is he some kind of Warlock?  I don’t get it.  How can a guy who has obviously let birds nest on top of his head, land the super hot (and super crazy) Jessica Simpson?  It doesn’t make sense people.

That’s right folks.  John “I haven’t combed my hair in two weeks” Mayer is humping Jessica Simpson.  Yea, that Jessica Simpson.  I don’t get it either, but hell, more power to him.  He’s giving hope to all us unkempt guys in the world, that we too can acheive puntang greatness.  Sure, she’s a complete moron and she has a horribly flat ass, but she’s got a world class rack my friends and THAT is all us guys need.  One positive thing to focus on as we completely ignore all the negatives. So, I salute you John Mayer.  You give all us men hope.

Here’s more pictures of John Mayer taking Jessica Simpson to what appears to be his prom: