Ladies please, explain to me Derek Jeter’s appeal. He looks like a beady eyed douchenut. These pictures are about a year old but this guy shouldn’t ever be able to hang out with two Victoria Secret models. It’s bad enough that he has been linked to Adriana Lima, Halle Berry, and most recently Jessica Biel. I don’t understand it.

So apparently, Jessica Biel dumped Derek “the douchebag” Jeter. There is a God. That guy reeked of scumbag. Now it seems she’s upgrading from douche to pretty boy. US Weekly is reporting that she’s now dating Justin Timberlake.

“Jessica was picked up in her chauffer-driven Volkswagen Touareg car and instantly went to visit Timberlake when she got into Park City,”

It reminds me of this porno I once saw where this huge chick was bench pressing a dude. No Lie. Jessica Biel’s arms are bigger than both of Timberlake’s thighs.  It’s only a matter of time before Cameron Diaz throws another fit, and that my friends is a fight I would pay to see.

Even fully clothed Jessica Biel looks amazing. I don’t even want to discuss the fact that Derek Jeter is continuosly stabbing her with his love knife. It really disgusts me, not as a man, but as a human being in general. That guy is a complete douche. In fact, let’s see if you can make it halfway through this article without vomiting in disgust. In other news, Jessica Biel’s ass is amazing. More at 11.

Why would she wear a bathing suit like that in front of all those innocent bystanders? That is a crime. I’m sure she caused at least five accidents, including the guy riding a bicycle with 15 fresh banana cream pies and crashing hilariously into a guy dressed in a tuxedo. Then when the dude wiped the pie from his eyes and got angry, the guy on the bike simply pointed to Biel’s ass and they both shared a laugh. The moral of the story is Derek Jeter is a filthy douchebag. The End.

So remember those awesome Jessica Biel beach pics? Well, here are the ones that were left out, and now I see why. Legendary douchebag, Derek Jeter (Unfortunately Jessica Biel’s new man) was with her on that beach. How this guy keeps landing these women is beyond me. He’s got a huge head and tiny eyes. Really. Go look at a picture of him. He is squinting 24 hours a day. Screw him. On a more pleasant note, Jessica Biel looks fantastic.